Kiss Kiss FALL IN LOVE!

2007-11-01T20:51:00.000+08:00

I hate them.

I guess it’s okay.

All you know is how to threaten.
You don’t even care what happens.
I don’t respecting your decisions anymore.
You bring my life to a crawl.

You fuck me up,
And even though you don’t touch me,
I’m beaten to a pulp.
I guess this is the way I have to be.

I’m crying now and I don’t know why,
But all I know is that I’m no gonna’ try.
My flame’s no longer lit,
And I’ve hit my limits.

All you do is confiscate,
So all I ask from you is to wait.
I’ve made it through the year.
Isn’t it enough that way?

Another tear, another tear.
Coming down one after the other.
I know you don’t expect much but I just can’t seem to do better.
I know you’ll say it’s ‘cause I didn’t do my best,
But could you just give me a rest?

The dark patch on my bed sheet grows larger by the moment,
But I guess you don’t care,
Since I can’t even get a lowly second.
I’ve never seemed to get anywhere,

And so I decided to go to that place.
I thought I could achieve something but that’s not the case,
Isn’t it?
So I thought I could get something from being poetic,

But I guess I’m just that kid who’s always so pathetic.
That kid who’s always so weak,
Even at his peak,
Whatever he does couldn’t even turn a cheek.

You bring me petty little things that I seem to care about,
But I can’t do or say the things from the bottom of my heart.
Isn’t it bad enough that I’ve training everyday?
My days are tattered but you tear them apart.

Can’t I just stay up to make up for the day?
At this rate i'm just gonna' die away,
But I’ve said what I have to say,
So since you’ve always been this way,

I guess it’s okay…

2007-10-30T12:27:00.001+08:00

I vomited during training. It was very watery. It was yellow. It was as yellow as a pervert's 脑海。It was sour-tasting. It was a large amount. It was sick. It was disgusting. It was not very tasty. But it made me feel better. It felt like all my accumalated crap was being thrown out of me. It felt like lot of bitter, sour and disgusting memories were coming right out of me. At the same time, it felt like something shouldn't have left me. It felt like I might have accidentally threw up my heart together with it all. It's like standing in the rain. If you're already wet, you wouldn't care about anything. But if you're all dry and safe, soaking yourself in there could make you sick, or feel cold. But I guess, once in a while, forgetting how it feels to not be sad all the time is okay.

2007-10-24T15:29:00.000+08:00

I know this might be a little corny... okay fine it is. but still...! it's in a languange i don't really bother to touch.

向着太阳，
我放开翅膀，
站在海浪，
我听着还在唱歌。

看着天空，
天上的颜色，
好像有什么不同。
可能是云把天空变白色了？

莫这花儿的美丽，
觉得有什么神秘。
她的甜蜜，
好像有什么神力。

2007-10-15T09:38:00.000+08:00

I was like really bored and stuff cuz i was walking home alone. yeah so i took out my phone and i started to write about whatever was happenin' as i walked XD pretty random stuff. and Yui is a singer and my idol XD it's pronounce You-ee. and My Generation is one of her songs. and the part about lit examination was cuz i wrote this before the day of the lit exam. and the statement,explanation,elaboration thing is what my lit cher always tells us XD. I stopped at the train part cuz i recieved a call so i stopped. and the people in the train were boring and smelly.

On My Way Home

Walking alone,
On my way home,
I’m listening to Yui.
At least now I’ve got someone accompanying me.

Listening to My Generation,
I’m thinking about my Lit examination –
How I’m going to ago about with my statement, explanation and elaboration.
Walking around in circles,

It seems like for the train to come it’ll take a miracle.

2007-10-08T20:44:00.001+08:00

This will probably the weirdest poem you've read. But it's one of my favourites. Umm ignore the emo content. i was just feeling emo when i was writing it heh.

Owari

I’m tired of being this pathetic.
All the way down to my bones,
It makes me sick.
Maybe I just need to be alone?

Do I have a kokoro*?
I don’t even know.
I’m just an act; a feign.
The way I react; I’m ashamed.

I’m not who I am,
But I guess know one really gives a damn.
I’m not who I want to be,
I’m just what others see.

It’s not me.
It’s too kurushii**,
It’s too kanashii***.
A world where everyone’s ureshii****?

That’s all just my silly fantasy.
All that’s just imaginary.
I write all this poetry,
Hoping I can find an identity.

But no one’s listening to me.
It’ll just sit in my corner,
Shizuka ni*****,
And alone I’d cower.

I lack power,
I lack chikara******.
Btu I guess all I can say is ‘Mada mada’*******.
I cry, I try.

But it’s like trying to fly.
I guess for me it’s always dekinai********.
How long do I have to stay like this?
Everything’s just amiss.

Maybe it’s itsumademo*********?
I’ve got no where to go,
I’m just for show.
Soon I’ll be thrown away,

But I guess that’s the price I have to pay,
For being this way.
The world’s a huge, beautiful carpet and I’m just a fray.
Cleanly cut off and thrown away.

You’ve probably got the gist of what I’m trying to say;
This world doesn’t need me,
So with this I bring this to an owari**********.

* Heart

**Painful

***Sad

****Happy

*****Quietly

******Power

*******Not even close

********Impossible

*********Forever

**********End

2007-10-06T11:06:00.000+08:00

This MIGHT sound a little scary. It's kinda... how do ya' put it... occult. And maybe a little FrEakY too. But anyways.

The Devil

We live normally without a hint of fear.
Don’t people realize the devil’s watching on with a leer?

We break promises and we tell lies.
Don’t people realize we’re being watched by the devil’s eyes?

We curse and swear under our breaths and we hope no one hears.
Don’t people realize everything is heard by the devil’s ears?

We sin and we pray,
We act like we’re good but we live in fear every moment everyday.

We hope that nothing bad will ever happen.
But always remember that behind your back is always Satan.

2007-10-03T19:19:00.000+08:00

Rest In Peace

This world is only violence and gore.
Whatever is all this chaos for?
Every moment,
Lives are taken.

What will it take for people to awaken?
Safety no longer lies beyond doors.
There’s a thousand terrorists,
Maybe more?

What is this?
Is this the world we’re living in?
All around there’s too much sin.
Everything is changing.

It used to be simple battling,
And now we have nuclear bombings.
Is this all really needed?
Are helps calls every heeded?

Killing gases fill the lungs of innocent children,
Toxic wastes pollute the seas and dying fishes.
Kids are left alone abandoned,
Unfulfilled are their empty wishes.

They’re just left to die like worthless creatures.
The world is dying,
The world is crying.
If we don’t do something about it,

With the end we will surely meet.
No wonder there’s global warming.
It’s the earth’s warning.
It’s to stop us from this senseless killing.

The earth’s already given us a chance,
To stop this death-bound dance.
But I guess it’s too late.
The odds are too great.

At the chance,
People simply looked away after a mere glance.
Within itself are the powers to save the earth.
It’s going to go through a rebirth.

Water’s going to be everywhere.
Touch the surface of this earth even gods wouldn’t dare.
Everything’s gone,
It’s too late to mourn.

Everything’s going to freeze,
For the earth it’ll be no breeze.
It’s like throwing yourself into a pool a freezing yourself to death.
It’s just like taking away your own breath.

But don’t worry,
The earth will heal itself again eventually.
Such a miracle,
For anyone else it’s surely impossible.

Everything is just a cycle.
The earth gets murdered then it mends.
The poor earth,
Having to go through all this pain.

Just to go through everything again.
Why must things remain the same?
Things are just going over and over the same old lanes.
It’s insane!

Before the earth dies,
Before everyone dies.
Before we all say “bye”,
Before anymore is lost,

I hope this message gets across;
I’d just like to say,
With all my heart and soul I pray,
May the earth not go through that damned day.

And if she does then this I’ll say:
Dear earth,
Place of life and birth,
Your breath I’ll forever miss,

So please o’ please,
Rest in peace.

I know my efforts hold merely the power of an atom,

But with this poem,

I hope I’ve done something for the earth and the ocean,

And hopefully a miracle will happen.

2007-10-02T20:27:00.000+08:00

I really hate school.

School

I don’t wanna’ go to that dreaded place,
I don’t wanna’ see my teachers’ face.
I don’t wanna’ think about my ACE,
I don’t wanna ‘think about my OP,

I don’t wanna’ think about my MSG.
I don’t wanna’ learn new things,
I don’t wanna’ learn things that have no meaning.
I don’t wanna’ learn things that don’t matter,

I don’t wanna’ learn things that don’t concern me whatsoever.
I don’t wanna hear the school bell ring,
I don’t wanna’ listen to my teacher and have myself cringe,
I don’t wanna’ be caught for my fringe.

I don’t wann’a go to school.
I don’t wanna’ succumb to rules.
It’s not cool,
It’s for fools.

And it’s cruel.

Childhood

2007-10-01T23:08:00.000+08:00

Have you ever thought of just rewinding time? Not to cover up for mistakes, re-do certain things or to fufil something. For the simple reason of being a child, have any of you wanted to rewind time? I have. Here's something simple to show how i feel. ^^

Childhood

If I could,
I swear I would,
Once again live my childhood.
Feeling only the simplest moods,

Munching on my favourite foods,
Everything was good.
Like a child,
I contentedly smiled.

How I wish I could just once more,
Open the door,
Run out in the rain,
Forget all my pain,

And be a child again.

Goodbye

2007-09-16T11:46:00.000+08:00

After about two months... the end came last night. I was the one who ended it though. I'm evil, huh. I knew I couldn't keep holding on so I decided to end it. Here's the rest of the story: http://lillianrandomme.spaces.live.com/blog/

I’m Sorry

I didn’t know what to do,
So I asked you.
I didn’t expect that to be your answer,
And now I’m feeling so inferior.

Please don’t be too sad,
I’m already feeling bad.
You can get mad,
But I’m glad,

That at least I’ve mended your heart.
I know it’ll be hard,
But hopefully I’ve healed more than I’ll take.
I know the sadness I bring’ll be hard to shake,

But just don’t keep thinking about me or just forget me,
Otherwise I’ll feel guilty.
Don’t cry,
And if you wanna’ come and kill me don’t be shy.

Don’t sigh,
And don’t you even think of trying to die.
Looking at these words,
You’ll probably know what the next would be.

Hopefully I didn’t get you injured or wounded,
If I did please forgive me,
At least try?
With this I guess it’s goodbye.

And if you ever feel sad or lonely,
Don’t be.
You’ve still got your friends and family.
Finally and most importantly,

I’m sorry.

This is my answer.

I'm sorry it couldn't be any better.

Love

2007-09-09T09:26:00.000+08:00

Looks like it's time for another one. People ask themselves or even others this question all the time. No one actually knows the answer so i thought i'd give a try.

Love

What is love?

I don’t really know.

Maybe it comes from somewhere above?

Maybe it comes from somewhere below.

Maybe love is what I share with you?

Maybe love is what we’ve been through.

Or maybe it’s how?

Maybe it’s things loved ones promise each other.

Or maybe it’s vows?

Maybe it’s the time we’ve spent together,

Through spring, summer, autumn and winter.

Maybe love is something that brings people together,

Like me and you.

Maybe it’s about will,

Maybe it’s just a tool,

To turn others into fools?

All I know is that we’ll never really know what it is,

That we’ve always missed.

You can’t figure it out just by persevering,

You can’t figure it out without feeling.

You can’t figure it out through reasoning,

The only way is through loving.

It’s all about giving,

It’s all about listening.

It’s all about caring,

It’s all about loving.

What does love mean?

It seems,

In this poem lies some of its meanings.

Probably just a few.

But whichever are real,

You can decide for yourself.

But for myself,

I think love is about being with the ones I truly want to.

For me,

It’s with you.

2007-09-02T11:30:00.000+08:00

People say that it hurts most to see the person you love, love someone else. I used to believe that too. But now I there's something that hurts more.

What’s More Painful

I’ve always thought the most painful thing is watching the person you love most love some other person,

But in comparison,

If you love some one who loves you just as much,

But you’re not able to hold her,

You’re not able to see each other,

It brings such pain.

It’s like an arrow rain,

It’s like a hundred times being slain.

Sometimes I’d prefer if our love was just plain,

Sometimes I feel like a lion without its mane,

Or a poem without its name.

Every line of this poem makes me cry more and more,

So promise me these tears don’t go out the door.

I’m content with being this way,

So please tell me with you it’s okay.

Don’t turn around and walk away,

Please just stay.

Stay with me,

Please for I need thee.

I’ll always be there for you,

So promise me you’ll be there with me too.

I need to get rid of this sorrow,

So please don’t mind if your strength I borrow.

So please don’t mind if I did,

Cause’ it’s your strength I really need.

To repay you any call I’ll heed,

Just make sure you do the same for me,

Just make sure you’ll stay with me,

As my Hunni.

The Princess Up On Her Tower And The Knight In Shining Armour

2007-08-26T22:18:00.000+08:00

The Princess Up On Her Tower And The Knight In Shining Armour

To the princess up on her tower;

I wanna’ be your knight in shining armour.

I wanna’ make you feel safer,

I wanna’ do you all your favours,

I wanna’ bring you colours,

I wanna’ bring you laughter,

I wanna be your clown.

So you won’t frown,

So you won’t be down.

So you won’t cry,

So you won’t sigh,

Then you’ll smile,

Then you’ll be wild,

Then you’ll beam,

Then you’ll grin,

And I’ll be delighted,

And I’ll be inspired,

And I’ll be smiling too,

And I’ll be loving you,

So you’ll pull yourself together,

So you’ll look so much better,

So you’ll dazzle,

Then nothing else’ll matter,

Then sadness won’t linger,

Then we’ll be happier,

And everything’ll be merrier,

And hearts won’t shatter.

And we’ll finally be together,

As the princess up on her tower,

And the knight in shining armour.

The Locket and The Key

2007-08-25T19:08:00.000+08:00

The Locket And The Key

I’m like a locket,

You’re like my key.

Inside me,

Lays a heart shattered.

Until you came,

Until you fixed it up again.

Since then I’ve never felt shame,

Since then I’ve never treated it like a game.

Since then I’ve never felt pain.

You unlocked the seal upon me,

No one else could have done that but thee.

You went in,

You found a million sins.

You found a million tears,

You found broken gears.

You found a million lies.

You watched my heart cry,

Who knew that heart would soon be thy’s?

You turned the key,

You made me, me.

You turned me happy,

You opened me up.

I felt way up,

I felt so grateful,

So grateful to have you.

Immediately I knew,

I had something to do,

Something I owed you.

I removed the key,

And I trusted it into your keyhole.

Like me,

You were like a locket,

And I was like your key.

reply to galvin

2007-08-07T01:30:00.000+08:00

dis is my reply to galvin lol

1) Email address: choocfrogs@hotmail.com
2) MSN messenger email : choocfrogs@hotmail.com
3) Blog address : http://www.youmadeaholeandyoudidntfillitup.blogspot.com (emo huh. BEWARE VULGARITIES)
4) Mobile number: 92320085
5) Your EP3: Track and Field (long jump and triple jump)
6) Date of Birth: 12th Feb 1994
7) Favourite pasttimes / hobbies: I love writing poetry (written about 50 so far.wanna' use any in your music?), and I love sitting in front of the computer the whole day and finishing a whole series of anime in one day and I like learning Japanese.
8) Your most prized possession : uhhh... I'd say it's just someone i treasure a lot. XD
9) Your greatest achievement : 255 PSLE score. i was from EM2. so that's like the highest or something so i'm proud of it though it can't compare to many others in class who just breeze through with a 265 :/ )
10) Fill in the blanks: You feel most appreciated when (probably)someone notices the hidden things in my poems. and when they notice the little things ive done for them.11) Any other thing you'll like to tell me about yourself: lol i'm, writing this at 1.14am and ive got geography and literature to study for tonight 0.o... but anyways sry for not handing in the work. i think it's better than copying. kinda :/. and i'm sry for replyin this late lol. not used to reading emb and stuff.

Hunni...

2007-07-12T00:12:00.000+08:00

Hunni, this is for you and only you. L.I.L.Y.

I Want You To Always Know

I want you to always know,

No matter how far we are apart,

Together are out hearts.

I want you to always know,

No matter what I’m going through,

No matter what you do,

I’ll always love you.

I want you to always know,

I’ll never let you go,

And if ever everyone walks out on you,

I’ll always be there for you.

For real.

I want you to always know,

In life, and in death,

I’ll always strive,

Strive for us to be together.

If possible,

Forever.

My Heart, Soul and Mind

2007-07-02T16:09:00.001+08:00

here's another poem i wrote lol.

My Heart, Soul and Mind

To you, I’ll give my heart.

To you, I’ll trust my soul.

To you, my mind, I’ll give you total control.

If my heart is destroyed,

I’ll just do without it.

If my soul is destroyed,

I’ll just live without it.

If my mind is destroyed,

I’ll just move on without it.

But if destroyed our love ever lie,

I’ll just,

Die.

Dedicated to lil!

2007-07-01T13:50:00.000+08:00

This poem was written and dedicated to Lilian! haha. Copyrighted -- Jon Ng

You

The way your eyes sparkle,

The way your smile resembles,

That of the goddesses’.

They all make the world better,

They all make my smile wider.

The way your face lights up,

It makes me feel so high up.

The way your snow white skin,

Shines with such radiance.

If someone hated you even for an instance,

It’d be a sin.

There’s something about you,

That makes everything feel so wonderful.

There’s something about you,

That makes you so beautiful.

There’s no one out there but you,

That could every make my life so colorful.

Fucked Up Bitches

2007-06-30T13:35:00.001+08:00

My fucking parents pissed me off AGAIN. Here's another poem for u mummy and daddy! *spits* Copyrighted -- Jon Ng

Fucked Up Bitches

Fucked up bitches,

Messing with my life.

Studies ain’t my thing,

So for studies,

Don’t make me strive.

So many other hobbies,

Here,

It has to be studies.

“You have to have a degree to be successful!”

Whatever.

Your mouths are shit-full.

Your words are plain painful.

Your demanding commands only want to make me puke.

I don’t ever want to listen to you,

You’re not worth talking to.

I wish I could stuff your mouths with my shit,

But they’re already full with your own.

My teeth I grit,

As I hold back my tears.

My hate I’ll forever create and keep,

Like the clock’s gears,

Forever they’ll tick.

I Hate You

2007-06-30T13:29:00.000+08:00

argh i hate my fucking parents. sometiems anyway. anyway, here's a poem dedicated to them. BY ME. copyrighted -- Jon Ng. Ask me before u put dis anyway.

I Hate You

You think you give me lots of freedom,

But I can’t make any real decisions.

I can’t go there,

I must come here,

I can’t go out.

I want to shout,

Show away my fears.

Over these years,

There’s been nothing new.

I have to let you know,

I hate you.

No One Else But You

2007-06-20T01:56:00.000+08:00

Over these few days, i realised how much i love poems and how much i love writing them. Even more, while writing these, i realised how much i **** ***. ;]. So here's another one of the poems i wrote:

No One Else But You

You’re so beautiful,

The world could do without art.

You’re so wonderful,

Without you my mind just won’t start.

You’re so amazing,

My world would crumble without you.

You’re so caring,

I can’t die without you.

With someone so beautiful,

Someone so wonderful,

Someone so amazing

And someone so caring,

No one else would do,

But you.

Copyrighted -- Jon Ng. Wrote this. If you wanna have this anywhere, ask me first. you can email me or ask me on msn.

I'll live on

2007-06-19T21:18:00.001+08:00

I thought I needed a calling,

And I finally found it.

I felt I was dying,

And I've finally snapped out of it.

A calling I've found,

I'm turning around.

Smiling again,

I'll chase away the rain.

Running away,

I'll stop right away.

I'll hold on.

I’ll hold on tighter.

I’ll dream on.

I’ll dream on higher.

I’ll live on.

I’ll live on happier.

Copyrighted -- jon ng. wrote this too. wanna put this anywhere, u can ask me on msn or email.

We're all gunna die anyway

2007-05-25T00:41:00.000+08:00

How much do I have to endure,

Before I can end this torture?

How long have I tugged at my own leash,

And strangled my own neck?

How long will I have to wait,

Before the stop making me feel worse with bait?

Is there any hope at all?

Not a speck.

I’ll force my wait out,

But I’ll fail.

I’ll just sit in my cage and cry and wail.

They feed me with ‘what’s good’ and tell me, “it’s good for you, it’s good for you’

They tell me, “It’s true,” it’s true.

They give me my share,

But I don’t even care,

I don’t give a damn; it’s just not worth it,

And that’s just it.

I need to get out of here,

But the end isn’t even near.

All the things I hold dear,

I can’t even see them when they’re this near.

They’re waiting for me to break free.

And even though,

I try with all my might,

Their grip is just too tight.

Every step I take,

Every move I make,

It’s as thought the world spins backward,

Moving me back.

I’ll do all this, just for her sake.

It seems, time, I’ll just have to make,

But wouldn’t that make me wait?

What can I do?

What can I say?

Is there even a way?

It’s too contradicting,

It’s too confusing,

I can’t be who I am, I have to lead,

I have to do my deeds.

I’m like a fire without a flame,

But who do I have to blame?

I used to always be smiling,

But now I’m just crying.

I’ll cry, I’ll cry, I’ll cry till I die.

For an eternity,

Till I get out of here,

Dead as the sea,

My soul will be.

Now what’s left of me,

Is all I pretend to be.

As my heart is eaten by depression,

My soul consumed by fear,

And my mind devoured by desire,

I’ll try, try, and try again.

Because every time I imagine getting out of here,

An on to another side, my heart, soul and mind is revived.

So I’ll take a chance, take a dive.

It won’t matter if I die,

Since no one would bother even saying bye.

I’m lost in my own world,

I’m so unsure.

When I look around,

Everything’s, just a blur.

Every single day,

I put on an act,

I put people at bay,

Making them think my heart is intact.

Everywhere I go, no one knows, how much pain I feel.

They’ve never went through this ordeal.

Every single night,

I’m telling myself to give it all my might.

I don’t know what’s wrong or right,

But I know what’s worth a fight.

Everything I do is wrong,

Every road is just too long.

Why can’t find the bridge,

That will take me across this ridge,

Without going around.

Every road seems deathward bound,

With the demon’s firsts to pound me down.

I don’t have a say in it,

I can’t do anything about it.

It’s about me,

Why have I no power over this?

I can’t go on much longer,

Too much stuff is going down under.

No one knows about it,

No one can help it anyway.

When there’s a will there’s a way,

They always say.

I have the will,

But where’s the way?

What’s the use?

What’s the point?

It’s just not fair,

It’s just not just.

I look at the mirror and stare in disgust, “Who’s this freak I see?

I question it,

Only to realize,

Every bit,

Was formed by me.

All the stress is crushing my brain,

All my efforts are going down the drain.

I’m so sick of me,

I can’t even see,

Who I used to be.

Every step I take is another mistake,

So fuck the rules,

I’ll screw this school,

A risk I’ll take,

‘Cause another second I waste,

Is more than I can take.

I’m trying to keep it together,

But I’m falling apart.

What’s wrong with my heart?

Sometimes I don’t know whether,

I should keep holding on,

Or just let go.

There’s no way I’ll really know,

But I’ll hold on first.

For the water of life,

I thirst,

For I am dying.

How am I to keep holding,

If I’m no where near the living?

What good am I doing,

If I’m not even surviving?

Nothing.

Am I really just nothing?

Or maybe I am something.

I’m so unstable,

I’m so unable,

To do what I want,

To take what I need.

I’m gonna’ go insane,

But I’ve only got myself to blame.

Now, there aren’t even lanes. I’ve got no where to run.

All I’d ever want now,

Is a gun,

Then I’d shoot myself,

And I’d be done.

I’ll say what I want,

I’ll do what I say.

You can’t tell me what to do,

So what do you expect me to say to you?

Since I’m always wrong and you’re always right,

Why don’t I just fuck off,

Since I’ve no insight?

Since this is so fun and joyful,

Why don’t you take over this fool?

I can go,

Much faster than I know,

But there’s something holding me down,

Without a sound.

Without a clue,

Without anything new,

I’ve figured out what I’ve missed.

“Try harder, try harder”

They say, they say.

I’m trying hard, not to excel,

But to be expelled.

“What do you want, what do you need?

We’ll give it to you, just say.”

What I want, dare I say?

What I say, is it what I want?

All you want for me is to be happy,

But is that truly the truth?

How far will you go?

To give me the happiness I yearn for?

Have I not made it clear?

What I want is not to have more,

But what I want is to have less?

What’s with all this shit?

There’s no logic in it.

I’m holding back my tears,

I’m already in fifth gear.

What more can I give,

What’s there for me to love?

I’ve fallen again and again,

I’ve risen again and again.

With every fall, for every rise,

I will always come with a price.

Even though I

Rise higher with each fall,

I’m all wrong,

For my base isn’t strong.

So then I’d topple down.

This place I fell down,

Is where I’ve always wound.

How am I to live,

When I’ve got nothing to give?

Must I take it in my stride,

When I know I can get it out,

And still survive?

Now that it’s all over,

What am I to do?

I’ve got nobody’s support,

I’m all on my own.

From where may strength be imported?

So many questions,

So few answers.

Going the wrong way,

Everyday, I hide in fear,

From this pain so shear.

Every twitch,

Every inch,

I’m caught in some stitch.

I’m stuck in some ditch.

Why the hell did I even come here?

Were sports so dear?

Look at me now,

I’ve got nothing left,

But when people hear where I am,

They go wow.

Does being in a prestigious place,

Make me glam?

I think it makes me a disgrace.

All I’m really wishing for,

Is to be no more.

Wait.

I already am.

O hell’s gates,

Open up for me.

A loser is all you see,

So please take me in.

I’ve committed a million sins.

Take me in,

And you’re sure to win.

Swears like a knife,

Trying to end this life.

Seeing myself dying,

But it’s just not happening.

Committing sins,

Every since.

The world’s gone mad,

Everyone’s sad,

Or is it just me,

Whose mind is weak?

The aroma of death,

I reak.

The smell of life,

I seek.

The scent of success,

I can’t reach.

Practice what you preach,

Then what you've always wanted,

You're sure to reach.

I'm interested,

But my strength is being leeched.

By what? I do not know.

But I've known anything to stoop so low.

Everything thrown out the window,

In my heart a patch of hate and grudge is sewn.

My pride I will not swallow.

A gift of pain and suffering,

To all I shall bestow.

In a pool of life is where we're all swimming.

In the shallow end is where I'm lingering.

--Hey yoz ppl. I wrote this. Copyrighted-jonathan ng

Long time no see, huh? Osashibulida, na?

2007-04-29T00:56:00.000+08:00

Hey sry guys so long din post. one thing was dat couldnt be bothered. the another thing was...umm.. well...i dunno lol! aaaanywaaaaays. not really much fun this past month since the last post. hmm onli real exciting thing was tim's party really. and then sports day. and then cheating in exams. and then toking in class. and then infaredding STUFF around since i didnt hav bluetooth. going mad that it works. cuz in the past when ppl tried to play snakes 2 together using infared it didnt work. wow. hey last month was fun! cool. noooooooooow i see y ppl wan blog so much sia. they get to see wad they really think heh. my inbox damn dangerous sia. cher see i gone le. i got like 7 messages frm shicheng asking questions for geog science and maths lawl. samuel olso. he ask even more than shicheng lor. not dat im any good in maths la. dunno y the fuck shicheng wan my answer. maybe jus check... like. to see whether the answers are DIFFERENT. lol. i got 16/50 for maths. fuking 16. thats like. 2nd last la. hais... hopefully i get around tops for geog. onli sub i seriously mugged for lehh. hais sports day was cool. double golds. beat him. thou didnt really beat him. but hey. its not about being the best. its bout winning LOL. 12x200 was hell fun thou. lap 2 teams sia. i couldve lapped if kengliang din slack T_T. nvm. 4x100 was also hell fun. couldnt lap. but our time was...50.7! fuking 50.7! dats like. beating the sec fours? one word. three letters. one meaning. pwn. lawl. yea den i missed 4x400 cuz of certain reasons. so sad T_T. nvm. gave the medal to yuzhong lor. but i still take the points wahaha. yea and like. now im field champ. yeh taking prize on monday. jus had mac for dinner. o.0. cuz parents were out ma. den order food lor. hais chinese test sure fail. den chen gou come find me. AGAIN. yea den like. suspend me frm track? hais. suspend suspend lorrr. like i wan train lidat. aaaiiigggghhhh. ACE for english is like. pretty easy to get. jus dat like. its hard to GO get it. everytime i get to the com i tell myself to go to iVLE, kee, workbin, ACE rubrics.but like. i end up in like. msn? aaaiiggghhh. dooshioooooooo... how to max ace lidat??? aaaiiggghh.... den chinese over there in my face. for me to go and fail. walao. i every tuesday and thursday go mug for 1hr+ at the ci yu thingy. in the end? chinese test STIIILLL need copy. y i so min gao??? hais sit in front of min gao really makes me catch the mingaodity sia. maybe i ask for change of seat. lawl. yea den like wednesday when at the poolside there? when oni left the trackers and max and anli? yea den he was saying stuff bout intelligence and everyone there was intelligent except for me? thou i din show it at all, dat really got me in the esteem. haaii. fuck up asshole. GOD IS GAY. FUCKING GAY. yea. dat was good. o and. JESUS IS A CONMAN. FUCKING CONMAN. yea. dat was better. haaaisss. whole day swearing cursing at god and all dat fucked up shitcrap. in the end? still never die wad. so scared for god for wad ah all these christian ppl. nvm nvm. dun say le. seniors were bloody fuck up at training on friday. i over there doing 90kg weights then he was like. eh dun me such a loser leh kaobei-face. den i was like. wtf? of course din say la. den i was like. ok lor. eh edwin edwin help me put 100kg. den do lor. fuck up sia. aaaiigghh dunno wad to do with my life. maybe i should jus fuck it and be like. some actor idiot. or i could make a big thing bout god being gay. and become famous. and be a terrorist. and start bombing churces. HEY THAT SOUNDS LIKE FUN. ahem. that probably wont work out anyways.o yea i left out suicide! i mean its like. the easiest way out, isnt it??? i mean. i dun hav to study, i dun hav to live, i dun hav to think bout money, i dun hav to think bout my life, i dun hav to think bout the crap chers give, i dun hav to think bout the crap parents give, i dun hav to think bout the crap coaches give, dun hav to think bout life. it all works out. :/. but i dun really wann kill myself. i wan something to happen. something dat would kill me. its much easier anyways. i mean. if ur gunna die, at least dun do it urself. it isnt a DIY thing noe? aaaiiiggghh...i go curse got some more le la. hopefully he'll get me. bye.

WEDNESDAY ALR

2007-03-14T11:45:00.000+08:00

Sian... wednesday le still haven got anythign done lol. lying bed with my laptop typing dis post. check out the song i put up hee.hais back still v pain. even sit up olso damn pain. den i'll be like. wa fuck. wa fuck. i think by sunday olso i STILL havent got any work done yet. fuck la my printer spoil den cannot print the chinese thing. i wan do dat one lor so easy jus saerch dictionary den can le. i dun even noe got wad hw lol. crap i cant do the maths either cuz i forgot wad is mean median and mode le. im so screwdim so screwdim so screwdim so screwdim so screwdim so screwdim so screwdim so screwdim so screwdim so screwdim so screwdim so screwdim so screwdim so screwd. hee. hais i wan transfer!!! hwa chong sux la nabeh. but the principal is cool thou. if track n field win 1st ah, nxt day will hav half day de leh. den last week friday the A lvl resutls released right? den supposedly they bdid quite well la den released at 12pm instead of 1.30 sia. but...I STILL HATE HWA CHONG. lucky i now under hong le. if not ah, i sure cannot pon training one lor. not like dat haninabu.to think weall trackers say hanninabu a few times whole clas starting to say le. except... an li of course lol. he takes stuff far too seriously la. take for example our class song.he thinks its disgusting la.... ok fine it is.lol. but like. at least jus join in the fun la. this class song thingy really promotes class bonding lor. lol that time camp we all sing damn loud. yay my ah ma pao finish the ju hua cha le! i go drink. fever ma den got cough and sore throat olso den need drink soothing drink.kkk bb.

WA FUCK

2007-03-13T18:22:00.000+08:00

wa fuck... back damn pain.head damn pain.nose damn pain. sick. backache. slept at 10 yesterday i think? damn tired. yesterday not so pain yet. den hor wake up at bout 9 lidat. den get up quickly den. WA FUCK. lol. back pain like shyt sia. den look towards the right without moving my head. WA FUCK. like dis needly thing pierce thru my right eye there sia. whenever i move my right eye got a surge of pain. so i walk everywhere close my right eye lol lidat >> 0_-. den my right nostril keep dripping.like.with mucus? lol. drip drip drip. den i fuck care take tissue use blanket lol.den hav breakfast drink a bit of water take medicine den do wad? go back slp again. slp....slp....slp until 11 cuz my mum call.den put down den do wad? slp. AGAIN. slp...sko...slp... slp until bout 12 lidat. watch a bit of anime den go eat lunch(i think) den play a bit of com den help mum with some form den do wad? slp. AGAIN AGAIN. slp...slp...slp...slp until 3 when i heard the door bell ring think. den my sis and her fren came back. den i wake up lor. play a bit of gunz den they wan use say dunno wad the teacher say mus lsten to dis itunes thing. den i was like. ok lor let u use lor. den i go play psp lol. after awhile i hear dis show song. den i was like fuck la wad itunes. lol. i knew it all along anyway. its quite nice la dat show. maybe u should go watch it or somthing. go youtube and search corner with love. 1 episode is broken up into 8 parts. go luo zhi qiang de wor. quite funny olso.fuck fuck back pain back pain. i go lie down le bb.

Holidays

2007-03-11T13:24:00.000+08:00

Weee... waited so long for the holidays to come. Finally they're here. Hmm was thinking of spending it with someone but I guess she couldn't wait till now. O well too bad. Hais so much homework... lol nevermind i enjoy all i can den i finish nxt saturday or sunday. hee. im gunna be so screwd la. but like. im alr screwd coming to hwa chong so like. who cares? or rather. fuck care la! lol.
1E so fun. nabeh vulgar sia. especially one guy ah... the 6.30 dat one. lol. shi cheng liu dian ban. O ya and that cool dream weaver thingy gay cheong showed us? i jus got it dis morning. like. FREE. Looks like my $990.90 stays with me WAHAHA...ahem.
yeh we won the research module thingy. i knew it all along we would've won la. shouldnt hav competed... cuz sure win de lol. weee gunzing 3 hrs a day, everyday. shuang.
sian lor the stoopid mrs kee everything olso ask me one. like yesterday lor. min gao nv come sch right? kee go sms him bout the results thing la den he nv reply. ok. den she sms me ask me to tell him. WHAT CAN I DO? call la. nabeh hot kee dun wan waste her own bill den waste my bill right? good la. i call. no answer. sms kee say 'i have tried calling but he did not pick up his handphone.'. kee replies 'try his housephone' YOU SO SMART U CALL LA U GOT MOTHER ANOT.lol. ok lor i call lor. eh? i dun hav his number -.-. nvm. call his hp again. yeh! got ppl pick up! girl's voice. first thing came on my mind was like. was he having sex? if not y he nv pick up ah? den now girl pick up somemore. IT WAS HIS MUM.lol.wa the mum perfect english sia. 'may i speak to min gao pls?' 'sorry but he is having chinese tuition right now so u call back at about 7?' 'o ok' hangs up. once again i press left on my navigation button no my hp and i begin to jam at the buttons. 'i tried calling his handphone again but it was his mum who picked up the phone and it seems that he is currently having tuition and will be back at about 7' see? my english so good hor? 'thanks! i will be expecting his call at 7 then.' heh heh at least got say thank you la hor?
slept at like 12 last night? so early la. din shower lol. den in the morning wake up. go com. open eudemons. play. after 2 hours or so, i finally looked at the time for the first time of the day. 9.05am. fucking 9.05am. think bout it. i played for 2 hours before looking at the time and when i did it was 9. it woke up at 7! ok maybe most of u might not find the link but i usually wake up bout 12 during holidays. helped? good.
hmm currently waiting for mum to scream at me to go downstairs for lunch. like i'll ever go down on my own wahaha. at most if i go down when im hungry i'll grab some junk food and a can of green tea. i buy 42 cans at one shot lol. lasts me bout 1-2 weeks or so. o here comes the scream. gotta go bye.